Whatever happened to being spontaneous? When we were in college, we just did things because we wanted to, on impulse. Now everything is scheduled and geared toward productivity. It is taking all of the fun out of life.
I want to experiment, do something different, give more, have him demand more, try something different. I want to go for a walk but not our usual route, but around a lake or through a forest. I want to sit and enjoy the weather but not just on our porch swing while waiting for the grill to finish. That means we have a timer going. It isn't free and spontaneous. I want my spouse to talk to me not because I asked about what he did today and he feels obligated to ask what I did today or what is on the upcoming schedule or to do list.
Perhaps this issue is coming up because I have more time on my hands right now, because my time with my husband is so limited due to his schedule, or because we don't have much money to go out and do things we could have done before.
None of the things I want cost money. They require thought, creativity, and time. I seem to have all the time in the world and I try to think about different things I can do like make a new meal, appeal to things I know he likes and wants, take care of things so he doesn't have to worry about them. But as late as he gets home, he barely notices or worse, takes it for granted. I know he is tired, I know he is busy. But I am tired of all of his free time being spent on the computer or watching football games. Sometimes I just want to shake him and say, what about me. Where do I fit in what you want to do? Why can't being with me be a way to relax or unwind?
I don't know, maybe it is a guy thing that they are just happiest when everything is the same day after day (except what they eat). They want something predictable and they don't want to have to come up with something out of nothing. The idea that there wives are expecting this and are in fact unhappy because they aren't getting this, no doubt baffles them. I can see that. I can even understand that. But how do I make this feeling go away? How do I tell my, otherwise perceptive, husband that I'm fine, that I'm not mad at him, that I'm not upset and have him believe it?
For if I told him, if he thought about what he could do and perhaps found something, would it still be spontaneous? Or would it just be driven by not wanting his wife mad at him. When does he think about what I want or doing something for me, not for both of us, but just for me, for the sake of making me happy?
Spontaneity - to act in an open, natural, and uninhibited manner towards your wife.
